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Are You in a Committed PMDD Relationship? The One Question You Need to Ask

From episode: Is Your PMDD Partner Your Person?

is your PMDD partner your person? This is a question that I ask pretty much at the end of every session, at the end of every training that I have in the Breakup Proof Academy, because it all comes down to answering that question. Is your PMDD partner your person? I literally have in my phone, my husband saved as my person. And there is a reason behind that. There's a psychology behind deciding that regardless of what happens, regardless of how much I'm stressed out, regardless of how much I'm frustrated, regardless of how much I'm triggered, I'm still committing to my PMDD partner being my person. Right. You're taking ownership of whatever is going on with them. And you're saying this is mine. It's almost like having a child. Like you can go through a lot of things with your children. Right now, I have a teenager. So like, just imagine. I'm going through all of these stages of their, you know, when they're a toddler, when they're a baby, you know, all of these things that they're doing that are frustrating you, but you're still saying this is my child. And it's the same thing with your PMDD partner. You're literally saying at the end of the day, regardless of what they said, regardless of what they did, regardless of how I felt about it, this is my person. So I know for me, I can say this with three specific echelons. I have a 14 year old daughter, Veronica. I have a seven year old puppy. Well, I keep saying puppy. He's a dog, he's seven years old, a shit zoo, like a shit zoo Maltese mix. And I have a husband. And with all three of them, they are my entities. I take full responsibility for whatever it is that they do. I don't ask anyone else to take the blame for it. I don't ask anyone to pick up the slack for it. If anything happens when my daughter, you know, is in school and anything happens, I'm always there. I'm like, OK, this is my daughter. I'm going to handle it. If anything happens with my puppy, he craps on the ground. He pees on somewhere like I take full responsibility. But a lot of times when we get to our partners, we're like, I don't want to take responsibility. He's a grown adult or she's a grown adult. She should be able to take responsibility. Like you're almost putting them in a category where you're not owning the fact that you are committed to being with this person. This is your person. And there is a great level of responsibility that's tied to that. So a lot of times when you're on the brink of a breakup, you're thinking that everything's optional. Should I be with this person? Should I not be with this person? What will my life be like without this person? Would someone else be better? And it's like you don't do that with any other entity that you have in your life. Some of you don't even do it. If you don't have children, some of you don't do it with your careers. You don't have a career where you're thinking about it. You know, you're having a bad day at work and then all of a sudden you may think about, oh, I'm going to quit this job and I'm going to go work somewhere else. But you don't actually do it. Your actions don't show that you show the same level of commitment, because at the end of the day, you know that this is my job. At the end of the day, you know that this is what pays me. This is what employs me. And the same thing with your pecs. You your pet may pee all over your floor. Your pet may break up stuff, chew up stuff. I know my my my dog, when he was a puppy, he used to chew up. Oh, my goodness. The the iPhone cords, like, oh, my gosh. Like the one for my iMac and the one for my iPad and like all the expensive ones, not like the cheapo ones, like literally the ones that cost like seventy nine, you know, one hundred dollars that he would chew them up because he was in that realm of like chewing on everything. And what did I do? I went out and bought another one because I was taking full responsibility. Well, this is my puppy. This is the station he's in. So I'm just going to go buy another one. Did I yell at my puppy? No, I didn't. I know some people do. But like I'm like, what are you doing? Like, what is the purpose? He's not he doesn't understand what you're saying or she doesn't understand what you're saying. But then when it comes to our partners, you get to the point where you're yelling at them, you're screaming at them. You're telling them they should be better. You're acting like they're not your responsibility. You're acting like they're their own responsibility and you're your own responsibility. You're not acting like you're actually connected to them in a way that you're in an intimate relationship together. You're saying I just can't wait. They just need to get their self together. They need to get their stuff together. They need to get better at this. They need to get better at that. Well, that's part of your responsibility. You are in a committed relationship. And I think a lot of times when we get into PMDD, we feel like we have all of this burden and responsibility of managing our symptoms and surviving through our symptoms that we're forgetting that we have a whole other person that we are responsible

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