What you think about your PMDD partner will become your reality
How many times have you been in PMDD and had a full-on story about how something your partner said or did was so messed up and then next thing you know you are looking at them differently or even worse, they look different to you?
Have you ever noticed that when you are feeling offended, disrespected, not valued, or appreciated that your partner begins to look different to you?
They begin to look less attractive and all of the features about them that you do not particularly like are now magnified!
You can feel yourself cringe at the sight of them and you ask yourself what you are even doing with this person and think how much better your life would be without them
Well during PMDD, this is pretty much the norm every single month and it can sometimes get to the point where you are constantly pulling and pushing, and your partner and they never know if you’re coming or going
To you, this may seem emotional and oftentimes physically exhausting
It’s like you are on a roller coaster that you can’t get off!
It’s like by the time you get back on track with your partner, apologies for what you said, make up for what you did and then BAM PMDD is back again, and you end up in the same exact cycle!
It's draining… it's exhausting and guess what.,. It does in fact make your PMDD symptoms worse!
Those times when you are feeling that tension towards your partner creates muscle tightness and it heightens your cortisol levels which is the stress hormone
What if I told you I could not only prevent you from pushing your partner away, but I could also reduce the PMDD symptoms that are caused by this emotional roller coaster?
Today I am going to help you do that by doing a simple exercise that I use with my clients, and it is called
“Reframe and Tame”
Within this exercise, we are going to address the inevitable negative thoughts about your partner, and instead of stressing your nervous system out by attempting to ignore or avoid the thoughts, we are going to reframe them utilizing my PMDD Affirmation Cards.
Let’s start with a simple negative thought because as we know when the negative thoughts about our partner come up, we believe that they are true at the moment, and we begin to feel the negative emotions from the negative thoughts.
Let’s say your partner comes home from work and you made dinner and then they mention to you that they grabbed food on the way home.
The first negative thought would be that you can’t believe that you spend all your time preparing a meal for them and they had the nerve to grab fast food and not even offer to bring you any home
In this instance, all of what you think and believe about the situation is negative and thus comes to negative emotions. Your body begins to tense up because you are irritated so here comes the PMDD muscle tightness, your jaw may even get tight
Your blood pressure begins to rise as you feel like you are about to explode with rage as you think about how much time and effort it took you to make the meal…then you tie that to how ungrateful they are to you and perhaps you would be better off single because at least when you do things for yourself you don’t have to worry and wait for someone to appreciate you and say thank you
By this time, you are either yelling at your partner, giving them the silent treatment, and most likely shooting them the death stare
Sound about, right?
Okay so now that we have addressed the situation let's go into the reframing
Let’s for instance reframe this scenario in a manner that would allow your negative thoughts to become positive and thus lessening the symptoms that we mentioned before.
The affirmation card we will use is “I am grateful for my PMDD Partner”
In this scenario, you may initially think about what is there to be grateful for when they are the ones taking advantage of you.
Let’s start with reframing your mindset into gratitude by opening ourselves up to listening to our partner’s version of the situation at hand
Once they are given a chance to respond, they tell you that they grabbed food on the way home because they didn’t want you to have to cook for them and that they planned on ordering you your favorite pizza and also has a new bottle of wine for you in the bag that they are carrying that you never noticed before your outburst.
Next, as they are explaining themselves to you, the doorbell rings and it is your pizza
You immediately pause and feel immense guilt because when in PMDD you rarely think of a logical and positive outcome to the actions of your partner because they all seem so malicious, conniving and manipulative and frankly you deserve better.
By this time your heart rate has slowed down, you look at your partner more lovingly and they also magically appear to look more appealing and not cringe-worthy anymore.
By reframing your mindset, it allowed you to look at your partner in a more positive light by changing the trajectory of the stories we all tell ourselves
This part is the taming method. Now that we have reframed your mind and you no longer think your partner is the scum of the earth we need to tame and regulate our nervous system
There are many ways in which you can accomplish this.
Some of my favorites are taking a walk-in nature outside. The temperature outside doesn’t matter if it is cold or hot. The goal of this practice is to get you out of your head and into your body. Once you begin to move your body your stress levels decrease and you release endorphins, otherwise known as the happy hormone.
While being in PMDD and feeling as if the normal fluctuation of your hormones is all against you, it is nice to be able to have some control over releasing the good hormones to offset our PMDD Symptoms.
You can also do Yoga, dance, or move your body in any way that feels good to you. This reframing method, is all about what feels good to you and not so much about doing a move the right way. Remember the goal is to decrease stress; do not add it by attempting to be perfect. Let the negativity go and let your emotions flow.
This is just an example of my signature Reframing and Taming method and how it can greatly decrease not only your PMDD symptoms but also decrease the fights with your partner and the overall damage to your relationship
Remember that I am here for you, we are in this together and most importantly.
You Got This!